For The Bohol Tribune
In This Our Journey
NESTOR MANIEBO PESTELOS
We will resume mining gems from
Hugh Mackay’s book, The Good Life, to complement our Scripture-based
reflections during Lent.
For this week’s column, let me
just dwell on the core idea that the Good Life is a life lived for others, something
also taught by many religious leaders and philosophers through the ages.
First, to support this idea, the
author reiterates a fact we all know:
“The starting point is the recognition that we
are all inseparably part of each other and that our human destiny is to accept
and nurture our connections. We are each part of a larger whole: a family, a friendship
circle, a neighborhood, a community, an organization, a world. Each of us is a
player in the same big human drama.”
He says that we should not lose
our sense of who we are nor our individuality in affirming these connections.
What it means is that our context, not our essence, defines our identity . The
question to ask, he says, is “Who needs me?” rather than “Who am I?”
According to the author: “Friendship,
connectedness, engagement, community: these are the great life-savers, the
great sources of human fulfillment. We are by nature social creatures – herd animals
– and we cut ourselves off from the herd at our peril.”
Living for others does not mean
living like a doormat or “being servile, subservient, or subjugated.” It means to live life as an “open doorway,
not as a doormat.” It is to live with love and all its manifestations –
kindness, care, compassion, generosity, tolerance, encouragement, support.”
Then he asks rhetorically: “If
love is the ultimate source of goodness in our lives, it follows that the good
life is primarily about others. What else could it be about?”
But we need to recognize this dualism
in human nature: “We are members of a species that relies on cooperation,
tolerance, altruism, harmony and acts of grace for its very survival. “ Unfortunately, there is another side to us:
“We humans are capable of behaving in ways that contradict each of
those admirable qualities. We go to war over territorial disputes or, even more
bizarrely, over conflicting religious beliefs; we lie, cheat, and compete
ruthlessly with each other; we lose our temper; commit acts of violence and
abuse, even against children; we take advantage of our fellows; we fail to keep
our promises; and often fall short of the ideals we claim to espouse. In other
words, we’re selfish by nature, as well as selfless; we’re competitive as well
as cooperative; we’re flawed.”
There is contradiction in human nature:
“We want to maintain loving relationships, but we often let our desire
for control interfere with them. We want to cling to our deeply held values and
beliefs, but we sometimes jettison them in response to our aspiration to belong
to a particular group or tribe with a different set of beliefs and values.”
He adds: “We sometimes want to be good, and we sometimes want to be
bad. As a species we have shown ourselves capable of murder, rape and pillage
as well as startlingly selfless acts of charity. Our racial, religious and
cultural prejudices can overwhelm … and lead us into hideous expressions of intolerance,
injustice, and hatred, spiraling all the way down to war and genocide. Yet we
can t those prejudices and learn to love and care for those who have utterly
different religious or cultural perspectives from our own.”
History tells us that “communities survive when the cooperative
aspects of our nature prevail.” Indeed
human beings are born “to relate to each other and to foster communities by
acknowledging and responding to each other’s needs.”
The author notes there are varied ways to describe a life which may be
worthy of praise or admiration but may not contribute to the common good:
A full life : “Sounds attractive. Sounds worthwhile. No wasted time here.
No meandering. No loose ends. These are the people who, in addition to holding
down a job and raising a family, belong to so many organizations, sit on so
many committees and seem to achieve so much …”
His comment: “Painful as it can be to admit, an overly busy life … can
be a highly effective insulation from engagement with the very people who may
need you to stop rushing, listen to them and take them seriously enough to
spend time with them.”
A charmed life: It is life “largely dependent on accidental factors –
genetics, inheritance, lucky timing.” But such a life is “not the most
sympathetic environment for virtue to blossom.”
A productive life: “Plenty of creative people, including artists,
scientists and philosophers, as well as high-flyers in business and the
professions, have lived like that: wonderfully productive output, huge personal
rewards and generous public recognition, but intensely frustrating, infuriating
or destructive to those close to them, their personal relationships sacrificed
at the altar of productivity.”
An authentic life: “Obviously, being inauthentic – insincere,
artificial, deceitful – is usually undesirable: no one likes a phoney. .. If
you’re interested in the common good and in promoting the wellbeing of others,
it’s not always appropriate to match your behavior to your mood… Are courtesy
and good manners inauthentic? Yes, sometimes, but are also the oil that
lubricates our social machinery.”
A blameless life: “It sounds like a life with no risk, no edge, no
real purpose beyond obedience to the dictates of the law and conscience … Who among us can say we could never be blamed
for anything? Never a cross or hurtful word? Never a vengeful thought? Never a selfish act? Never a failure to
recognize and respond to someone’s need for help? Never a refusal to listen
attentively and sympathetically to someone who’s taking too long to say
something? No, ‘blameless’ sounds rather suspect to me.”
A passionate life: “Some people channel their passion into righting society’s
wrongs, campaigning for peace and justice in responding to the needs of the
poor, the sick, the disadvantaged or the marginalized. Some devote their
passion in the raising of children, as parents, teachers or carers. Some pour
their passion into charitable work in their local community. Some create
beautiful works of art or performance that inspire, entertain, amuse or
unsettle us. All are clearly tontributors to the common good. .. How they
relate to those around them, especially to those who need their love and
support, is, as always, the acid test of goodness.”
A creative life: “Lives that are passionate and productive are often
associated with creativity … It is sometimes clearly intended to imply
permission to live recklessly, behave badly or be outrageous, impatient, rude
or arrogant, as though all will be forgiven in the name of Art. While it’s true
that many painters, composers, writers, poets and creative people in fields
other than the arts have acquired a reputation for treating people shabbily,
others have managed to maintain stable
and loving relationships and to treat people with respect while still producing
remarkable work.”
As we do the stations of the Cross, do penance and aspire for
redemption during this Lenten season, may we also remember what the author,
Hugh Mackay, says on p. 157 of his book, The Good Life :
“Once we focus on the idea of a good life as being a valuable life, a
life that contributes to others’ wellbeing, worries about our personal level of
contentment or our material prosperity will fade into the background. The good life is not about being
smart, rich, famous or sure of yourself. You don’t have to
be the life of the
party to prove you’re having a good life. You don’t even have to be at the
party.”
For comments, email npestelos@gmail.com.
NMP/12 March
2016/12.23 a.m.
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